Control the Narrative by Lida Citroën is an excellent strategy guide to personal branding in the modern era of online communication. It contains invaluable insights and advice for any professional. If you are trying to get established or gain recognition, this book is for you. If you are trying to overcome setbacks or a damaged reputation on the Internet, this book is especially for you. I highly recommend it.
Introduction: Some Thoughts on Authenticity
“Authenticity” is a popular keyword on social media these days. It’s an aspiration; it’s a humble brag; it’s a deadly weapon.
While most of us wish to be accepted for being true to ourselves, the way some people on social media currently wield the word “authentic” seems to suggest that if we try to improve ourselves or change our lives in any way, then we are somehow being inauthentic or “fake.”
In the view of such social media trolls, resigning oneself to one’s allotted fate is therefore the only way to be authentic.
Any attempt to become something other than what the trolls want to see is consequently described as “trying to be someone else,” the worst kind of fakery… and, since the trolls generally see all people as little more than a certain variety of dirt, that doesn’t leave us with a lot of options.
But that is not how Lida Citroën views the world.
Reputation Crisis
I first became aware of Lida Citroën when I read her article on Entrepreneur. com, “7 Ways to Recover After a Reputation Crisis.”
If you’ve known me for any length of time (and especially if you only know me from Twitter) then you already know why I have an interest in this topic.
Way back in early 2018, I was at my own personal rock bottom. My business had failed, my life seemed hopeless, I was deeply depressed; and to make everything so much worse, I became mired in social media drama.
Ever since then, I have found that drama inescapable.
Fallout
Via a barrage of public Tweets and even some very disturbing emails, I have been threatened with harm to my career prospects, harm to my family relationships, and even physical violence.
Given that the individuals involved and their supporters have done their level best to make good on certain of those threats: trying to pretend that the threats were really just a “misunderstanding” or a “joke,” is base prevarication.
Internet haters have followed me from platform to platform, cyber-stalked my every word, and persistently sh*t-talked me, to my face and behind my back, for years.
Subtweeters have (apparently) accused me of everything from smelling bad to demonic possession. It would be almost funny if it wasn’t so persistent; but after several years of this, the experience was extremely upsetting.
There is no rational purpose to the harassment. These are simply Internet trolls who derive their joy in life from hating other people. The harassment is somewhat quieter now; but even though several years have passed, it still occasionally resurfaces, and at this point I have no reason to believe that it will ever stop entirely.
So how am I to move on with my life, as long as recreational haters are actively defining my identity in the eyes of the public? Is it “authentic” to resign myself to being the subject of mass hatred for the rest of my life?
This is a question that Lida Citroën was prepared to help me answer.
Controlling the Narrative
Citroën’s article on Entrepreneur mentioned her book, Control the Narrative: The Executive’s Guide to Building, Pivoting, and Repairing Your Reputation (Kogan Page, 2021). After reading the article, I clicked over and purchased the book almost immediately. (Full disclosure, I also sent Citroën a connection request on LinkedIn, which she graciously accepted, and I have appreciated seeing her posts in my feed since then.)
When the book arrived, I did not begin at the beginning, as one normally does when reading a book. I had purchased this book to help me address a very specific problem, and I started reading it in the middle.
To my relief, I discovered that the author approached this sensitive issue with compassion and understanding. We all make mistakes, she acknowledges; and there is no predictable pattern as to which mistakes will be amplified by the, um, people who she so gently describes as the “online community.”
Citroën’s book gave me some much-needed perspective and clarity. Although she’d never heard of me, her book described my situation with vivid accuracy: right down to my unhealthy personal reaction to the years of constant provocation.
The Sharp Stick Analogy
It turns out, based on Control the Narrative, there are many more people in my situation than I may have first suspected.
It also turns out that getting upset is a typical reaction for someone in my situation.
If you poke someone with a sharp stick over and over for several years, and they’re unable to get away or make you stop, they tend to get grumpy about it. To make matters worse, idle bystanders who didn’t witness the initial poking but only saw the grumpy response will tend to pick up sticks of their own and join the poking. Thus the cycle not only perpetuates, it also escalates.
A Better Way
Although she did not mention the analogy of people poking each other with sticks, reading Citroën’s description of both the situation and my response to it gave me a tremendous sense of relief.
Short of going back in time, I had not been able to imagine a way to change what was happening. Citroën’s book assured me that there was a way to take control of the situation.
Be Yourself
At its core, Citroën’s advice is simply to focus on being who you want to be.
Don’t let the haters control the narrative. As long as you allow the online hate mobs to define you, there is no rock bottom: things will continue to get worse, indefinitely. Random haters on the Internet will amuse themselves by trying to upset you, and they will think it’s funny. You don’t owe such people an explanation. You don’t owe them anything at all.
Instead, you have to define yourself. Claim your identity, your aspirational self-image, and embody it completely.
Control the Narrative presents a cohesive personal branding strategy. There are several lists of action items and exercises which the motivated reader can optionally complete to build a complete picture of the problem, the current situation, the ideal future, and the solution that leads like a golden road from the present to that ideal future.
Citroën does briefly mention that at the outset of one of these reputation crisis incidents, it can be possible to prevent it spreading by addressing it immediately. This seems to validate my initial response in February 2018; and although (based on results) I clearly mishandled the situation with a flawed response, it’s nice to know that my instinct was correct in that regard.
But years on, there’s no point trying to argue with the haters. (As Taylor Swift reminds us, the haters are going to hate: that’s the only thing that gives their sad lives meaning and purpose.)
Rather than attempt to address an endless stream of ever-more creative insults and fanciful allegations, now is the time to ignore them. (How does one even try to disprove demonic possession, anyway?!?)
Instead, focus on how you want to be seen. Then do it consistently, strategically, every day. Be the person you wish to be seen as. To the extent that it’s possible, plan your online content in advance. Talk about what you want to be known for, and don’t allow the detractors to distract you.
In my case, the question becomes: Do I want to be seen as the guy who’s always talking about the mobs of Internet trolls who pursue him from platform to platform? Or do I want to be seen as the guy who’s always offering hope to the hopeless and solace to the inconsolable?
Granted, I’m still working on this. On reflection the thought occurs, it’s important for me to continue to talk about my experiences on some level, precisely because I want to show others that there is hope, no matter how badly things seem to be going. Even if you feel like you messed everything up and you’re surrounded by random strangers who go well out of their way to tell you that they hate you: it’s still not too late to turn things around. I was there; but I didn’t stay there. Your life can improve, too.
Accordingly, I have been making the attempt to consistently show up online as the guy who offers hope.
The key is how the message is framed. In my case, I must do my best to avoid complaining and blaming. In framing my narrative, I must recall that my experience is not unique. Therefore, my purpose is to offer hope to those who have similarly experienced their own personal rock bottom. If that’s where you are now, then please believe, you are not alone.
My message is:
You can turn your life around.
We succeed in life by focusing our mental energy on the future we desire.
Keep going!
Conclusion: Control YOUR Narrative!
How about you? What do you want to be known for?
Whatever legacy or outcome you’re hoping to create, I recommend Lida Citroën’s book, Control the Narrative. I hope it will be as helpful for you as it was for me.
